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[private]What was I even thinking? All I want to do is return to the mansion and grab Jono and sweep that man off his feet, no matter what. [/private]

[WAY private]

What the *hell* is my problem?

I get this great guy like Jonothan, who is talented, handsome (ok, more on that in a sec), passionate and makes my insides go silly when I feel him speak in my head.

Then there is Warren, who is beautiful, older and for some reason, seems to want to be with me.

And Jono just spoke to me about us. He told me he really likes me. And I agreed that we do have something that has potential to be awfully special. Gawd, I love his eyes, they are full of expression, perhaps because he lacks a real mouth (which wasn’t a big deal until I kissed Warren). I want to be with him, but I feel that by saying 'yes' I've committed to something I'm not ready for.

And then Warren tempts me, by, gawd, just being there. Why does this have to be so hard? Why couldn't have that one night we were flying been a reckless bit of senses and he got over it? Why didn't I leave his room? Oh gawd, Brian knows something, he has to. Of course, with the way he's been hitting that dope, he may have just forgotten it.

Still, when I'm with Jono, I feel that us, our music, are the only things that exist, that are worthwhile. And I know, down inside, he is the one I'd rather be with.

So, what's the problem then?

[/way private]

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Things haven't been all that bad lately. Wanda's giddy in love, which makes me so happy. No one deserves it more than she and Jamie's a catch. Alex seems to have found someone he really likes. And even though it has been tough, I think Brian is finally facing his past. He's scared and tells me he doesn't want me to help, but how could I not? He's so important to me, I could never not help him.

Still, I don't want to tell him about Jono. Oh, he'll figure it out. But this is something I'd like to keep from him right now... mostly because it's so intense and fragile.

I can't say that I can totally explain it... I tried to with Wanda and I know she somewhat understood, but how can I explain the feeling I have when I am with him and even more, when we are playing together? I just know that it feels so... right... so frightening... magical... perfect...


Gawd! I sound like an idiot! Still, this stuff is good for lyrics. I think I'll go write some down.